dear ________,
you've taught me well. you've taught me what an ass i really am, and how cocky i was. i've learned. i've learned why you love tennis so much, and why you need it so much. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for being the ignorant little girl, who knows nothing about life nor knowing anything about tennis.
i guess i don't deserve you being here for me when i need you anymore. nor do i deserve your words of advice, even when i need it the most.
i hate how our whole family is just stubborn. stubborn stubborn stubborn, full of grudges, full of locked hearts without a key to open it ever again. i've lost yet another key, and i don't think i'll ever get it back.
you're living just fine without me, and probably haven't thought twice about me ever since. there's so many things i would've liked to tell you. so many things i've wanted to share with you. like how whether or not i want to admit it, a part of me does miss you, very much. or all the things i've experienced in my first season of tennis. or, all the things we've been through and how its been in our lives. am i going well? are you going well? anything you're happy for? anything you're sad for? so many questions that will be left unanswered, put away, accumulating dust over time, and slowly breaking down to ashes. i've grasped one thing though
once trust is lost, it'll never come back.
i hope the best of everything to you.
with all my love,
vivian
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