its been a while

a long while. if that even made sense...a long while? whatever. so its been like two months since i last blogged, i believe? my depression level has finally dropped to an all time low. i just tried out for jv tennis,i made it, and then i got kicked off for an unjust reason, and thats been making me cry a lot. i don't even get why i'm crying, i just feel like i've been wronged. i went through so much just to play tennis, just to tryout, just to practice with my friends, and now this is what i get? it just doesn't seem right. it really doesnt. i now have no more interest in school, there's nothing i'm looking forward too and i don't even know what to do to get my interest back to where it belongs.i think that last year has been too good to me, too great to me, so now this year feels like shit. it feels as if this year will compare nothing to my previous year and i was so looking forward for this year to be even better. i honestly wish i could tell myself everything's okay and that i can deal with it, but i can't, because everything's not okay and i really can't deal with it. the only reason i haven't been blogging was because everything wasn't that great in those two awful months. so if i wrote it down, i know i would've felt worse. who wouldn't, if they're reflecting everything crappy in their life, and then realizing all of the crappy stuff they have? needless to say....wait, what does that even mean? needless to say...hmmm. ANYWAYS, i've finally decided to blog, because i know i have to let it all out, even if it means tearing up while typing this for the reason that i'll feel better. hopefully tomorrow will be a good day because tomorrow's my last hope. i'm going to hope