why should you forgive me?

i don't know, either. i wouldn't forgive myself if i were you too. and thats probably what pains me the most, knowing that i don't have a right to ask for your forgiveness. i don't have a right to say sorry and also when sorry is never going to be enough for you. But i really am hoping that your generous enough to give me that, forgiveness that is. I'm hoping you can be lenient with me and know that my true intentions aren't what you think it is. maybe if you could dig around in my heart, you'll realize. but thats not possible, which sucks. what i'm trying to say is, i know this kind of situation takes you time. but i don't have time, i have what they call impatience, fidgetness (is that a word?), stress balls, and tons of frustration. everything's not the same, i can't sleep at night and i can't stay awake in school. i can't focus on hw, and sometimes i feel like breaking down and just crying like a baby. I think i'm taking this in way too deeply, more than i'm supposed to. but, for all the things we went through, i don't want this to be a reason why we'll stop talking forever. families should always stick together, right? i guess not right to you.
i'd do anything in the world for you to tell me "its ok, i understand, just never ever do that again to me, ok?." i think i'd be the happiest person in the world if you said that haha. omg you sound like my bf or something m__i! i just always want to know that if i want to talk, you'd be there. if i want to just hang out, you'd be there. this doesn't mean that i'm just using you, its not. but you were always my support in tennis. you were always family, and most of all, we were mostly (if not always) on good terms.
anyways, moving on. i know you won't trust me like you did before, and thats gonna be a fact. but know that i'm stubborn just like you, and i'll never give up, ever. so you can count on me for that.