yesterday i had a flashback of when you told me you weren't eating. that you just ate one big meal per day. i'm not gonna exaggerate here, i was very worried. i don't know why but i knew that this wasn't good and i didn't want you to just stop eating all together and start having all sorts of eating disorders where you're so used to starving that you won't be able to eat anymore and that i felt like this was a serious problem. i'm gonna stop talking about this issue, it still scares me, to this day.
i had a dream...that you forgave me. that you told me everything was ok and that you told me i can never ever do that again and i said that i won't. i was extremely happy and then a week after (still in my dream) you asked me to go to ontario mills with you again and before i could even say yes...i woke up. then i got even more depressed, i was just dreaming. it was just a dream. a dream so significant to me that i wouldve been happy if i stayed in that dream. it was a short but somehow elongated dream. if thats even possible. it felt like a long dream but whatever happened was just, quick. i woke up disappointed in myself for dreaming that, i thought to myself "why'd you dream of that? you're just bringing yourself up, and ended up falling harder." so why, why did i dream of that? i don't even know. and now what confuses me the most is, would i want to dream something like that again? i'm torn between this issue. its not like i ever have repeating dreams, but, if i did...would i?
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